The Last Little Bit of Autumn and Releasing Resentment
We have just a few days left of Autumn and there is so much still to learn and embrace.
The leaves have just about all been released and every Autumn I choose what I need to let go of so I can sit peacefully into Winter's Season.
Every last few days of Autumn, something new appears.
This time it has been Resentment.
I didn't expect this teacher to come into my life.
Well it did. Tasha did a reading on me with this machine and the main emotion that it showed was Resentment, then Grief, and Sadness.
That same day I was vocalizing a resenting tone to Victoria bc she manifested something that I will later share. I was like "Really! Really? You had to put that out there." And then she looked at me said "What do you want me to say, I'm sorry?"
I immediately said she had no reason to say sorry, and that I needed to settle with this Hidden Gift.
She looked at me really confused.
I told her.... It was great that she manifested what she wanted, I put it into play, and the Universe , well joined what I manifested as a younger person and why I am here in North Carolina with what she manifested. It's one of the ways the Universe speaks to us.
Today, when I shared this with Victoria she put her little hand on her little waist and voiced "You Should be Thanking Me!!" And I told her, I am.
So... here we are. That same day Tasha did a reading for me and this was the main emotion.
But let me dive deeper. I meditated on Resentment for the next week. And yes!
I am resentful. What came up for me most was why was I still hoarding onto these things.
Well... if you know me, then you know, I will use the dictionary to define the English words bc English is a mess of a language to me. Very confusing....
re·sent·ment
/rəˈzentmənt/
noun
bitter indignation at having been treated unfairly.
And there you have it. Do I feel like I have been treated unfairly.
Absofuckinglutely, haven't we all? And each one of us for many different reasons.
I don't think I have ever heard of anyone not thinking they haven't been treated unfairly.
I never thought of Resentment, but let me tell you, I sure do now.
Give me any emotion that surfaces and I will meditate on it.
So these past years, owning a business at my home has been a tricky balance. The choice is mine of allowing others into my family and those that have poofed out of existence by their choice has left me bitter to say the least.
I mentioned ghosting in the past and I understood sadness and grief came with it ,but resentment, i never thought of.
I share this, bc I know if I feel this way someone else might also.
Here is what I have gathered the last 2 weeks from my reading.
Resentment like any other emotion is just an emotion. And the hidden gifts can be located thru meditation. Chris says " Resentment is an emotion you can control thru processing. I am so grateful for better understanding this unexplained emotion that I have been hoarding. Since, it has surfaced, I am finding a different type of peace just by understanding the definition. The disappearance of one person is quickly replaced with more devoted time to my inner balance, my sweet creation, Victoria, Chris, and my purpose in this world. By handing over my time to someone else's drama is not my place. That is why I chose not to be a therapist, that is a hard world and kudo's to those that are willing to offer that. I just hope therapists do the much needed work of removing any resentment they might carry also.
My responsibility has been a simple promise to myself as a child. To do the things that make me happy and maintain contentment and clarity, to myself and my well being and staying on my path that the Universe has set for me.
Clearly, I am still trying to decipher a bit of how do I learn from this and the one thing that keeps coming up for me is when Mami would say "You can't fix the world, Claudia" and my empathetic self would get so frustrated and resentful with that comment.
The reality is that we each have to stay Awake to working on our own shit and the act of disappearing is not so much of my way of handling things, but the realization that when people disappear it is theirs. It is their time to step into themselves so they can better understand their path and what they can handle at that time. B/c we all have had to handle life in different ways.
These 2 weeks have been so valuable for me to understand. Winter will share with me if I am really okay with it all. But today, I feel good that I understand a bit more. This is a great article on Why we should let go of resentments. By Tina Williamson
Now the last little seeds have been planted and the firewood has been delivered and stacked and Winter will hopefully be the only bitter chill that I now feel.
p.s. again, I share this bc knowing about how resentment played in my life, my help others who have resentment. Winter's Rage is great article from Traci Stein, PhD, MPH,
"Winter can teach us much about mindfulness. Yes, you heard right—winter can teach us how to be in and sit with the present, whatever it is. Getting angry at winter does not make it spring. It doesn’t melt snow, it doesn’t make flowers bloom. Anger, frustration, and resentment are emotions felt in the moment, and it’s fine and even important to acknowledge them. But clinging to those feelings doesn’t do more than prolong feeling angry, frustrated, resentful. Truly. Which prevents us from noticing much else in the moments we actually have."
Thank you Tasha y Victoria y the Universe.
~ Maktub
Claudia
